Palisade, CO (The Weekly Vice) - Chad Thomas, a 34-year-old Colorado man was arrested Tuesday after he attempted to use a Whizzinator device during a random drug screen test - and then tried to bribe the state worker who caught him.
According to police, Thomas was on parole when he attempted to defeat a random drug screen using a Whizzinator device. He then allegedly tried to bribe the caseworker after he had been caught.
Investigators say a caseworker because suspicious of Thomas after he tried to block the worker's view as he provided a urine sample.
When the worker asked Thomas to raise his shirt and lower his pants, the worker discovered he had worn a Whizzinator device to the facility in an apparent attempt to provide a clean urine sample as opposed to his own.
The "Whizzinator" is a device that is worn under the clothes - providing a fake penis and a bag that is used to store a clean urine sample. The user then submits the sample out of the bag instead of urinating his/her own sample into a cup.
When Thomas was discovered to be wearing a Whizzinator device, he allegedly offered the case worker $300 to throw the Whizzinator away - however the caseworker refused. Thomas then reportedly offered the case worker $500, which was also refused.
Thomas was on parole after pleading guilty to charges of menacing and criminal mischief back in 2007. He was paroled in March, 2008, qualifying him for random drug tests as a condition of his parole.
He is now residing in the Mesa County Jail on fresh charges of felony bribery and parole violation. Bail in his case has been set at $10,000.
Danny Vice
The Weekly Vice
http://www.theweeklyvice.com
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8 comments:
There once was a fellow named Chad,
Who had a drug habit that was bad;
He got a fake peter,
To beat the drug meter;
Now Mesa County Jail is his new pad.
Hasn't this guy ever heard of sur- jel? Or at least a pill or drink.
YEAH JUGALETTE YOU WOULD KNOW ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT BECAUSE YOU NO DOUBT USE IT ALOT YOU FAT DRUG ADDICT ICP LOSER
What's up with anon? Someone you know?
NICE Ida LMAO!
he should have practiced whip'n the fake cock out in public...oh.. anyway, having a job looking at parolees cocks all day sucks
Boy are they after you Jugalette. You musta really pissed into some anno's Wheaties today. Have a god one.
What, no comment from Tom Sizemore?
You know, someone I know very well (a female) had to go to monthly probation drug screenings. I can't recall what drug it is she couldn't give up, but it wasn't prescribed to her, that's a given.
So we found this thing online that runs a tube down from the back and goes between - ah - (well screw putting it delicately; this is WV, after all) it went between the cheeks of the arse. A small bag of clean uring was taped to the small of her back, and a thermometer kept the temp in check (hand warmers were used but not included in the kit, which sold for about forty bucks.)
The only thing was, there was this flow stop/start button you had to click with your hand, which wasn't as easy as it sounds given there was a cup in that hand as well. Also, the clear tape the kit provided wasn't sufficient to keep the bag secured, so we used duct tape (hey, we're from the south; we live by that stuff.)
Anyway, they knew something was up, but damn if they could prove it.
So on her last day, this big-as-a-boat black lady said SHE was going to do the test, and she'd be giving it with the girl standing up. I was there, and I saw the girl's face drop and God help me, but I felt so bad for her. I wasn't allowed to go into the bathroom with them, but as they were going, I heard my friend saying something like, "I don't blame you... If I had your job, every chance I got..." I was thinking, "wtf?"
My girl came out smiling like the sun (haha homage to Abba) and I looked as nonplussed as I could, and when we got out to the parking lot I go, "What the hell happened in there?"
She said the woman had her do the test over a shower drain, which would've shot to hell her plan's descretion. So on the way to the bathroom, she told the lady that she, too, was a lesbian and if she had HER job, she'd be watching women pee all day long; it was a personal turn-on of hers. (This girl is not a lesbian -- oh God no) and she said the lady was so flustered by the time they got to the bathroom, she had this "I'm not watching you, I don't wanna see that sh*t!" attitude.
Over cosmopolitans later (we threw the kit in a dumpster on the way to the pub) I toasted, "to one beautifully executed maneuver... here's to you."
Good times, my friends, good times.
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