Salt Lake City, UT (The Weekly Vice) -- Salt Lake City Police arrested two women after an officer received a random text message on his cell phone asking if he 'wanted to buy some Lortab.'Police turned the message over to it's narcotics division which proceeded to correspond with the author of the message. An arrangement was made to meet with the suspect at a Wal-Mart located nearby and the individual gave police a description of her car to facilitate the transaction, according to police.
When the narcotics division arrived on the scene, they found two women and a 2 year old in a vehicle matching the description that was given to them from the author of the text message. Officers also found a bottle of Lortab inside the suspect's car.
The driver of the car, 27 year old Carrie Booker told police that her passenger, 42 year old Christine Rollins, had filled the prescription at Wal-Mart. She also advised the police that Rollins had warrants for her arrest.
The two women were immediately taken into custody and booked on distribution of a controlled substance. The 2 year old child, who was Rollins' daughter, was taken to the Christmas Box House, where she was cared for by protective services pending developments in the case.
Danny Vice
The Weekly Vice
http://weeklyvice.blogspot.com
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A Letter of Introduction from T. Herman Zweibel
By T. Herman Zweibel
Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)
The Onion
January 21, 2008 | Issue 44•03
The school-educated busy-bodies who manage my media properties inform me that it is almost time to appoint a new President. I almost cannot believe it is time for the suet-brained populace of this flagging Republic to be once again herded into the voting-booths to allegedly choose precisely which bloody-handed butcher will crack their bones and suck the marrow over the next few years. Futility, I say, rank and base futility! Does the grist choose the mill, the rabbit the hawk, the innocent 12-year-old Atlantic City orphan girl the lusty mob of beefy, drunk, vacationing coal-oil sales-men? They do not, and neither do the Citizens choose their Leaders. However, if The Onion news-paper can further the illusion that an individual vote has more potential to change the world than a lamb's last bubbling bleat in a crowded slaughter-house—and furthermore, if we may turn a hand-some profit by doing so—than let The Onion be the Judas goat to the milling herd of democratic cattle!
I am told that our new War of the White House section will contain the vetted and censored life stories of each candidate; white-washed and simplified versions of their heinous plans to drain the life and wealth of each and every tax-payer; a schedule denoting the appearances of every aspirant, so that one may go and be covered in unspeakable fulminating lies in person instead of hearing them over the crystal-set. I should God damned well hope that there will also be prettily-colored pictures, or else the average American citizen will not be able to keep his eye on it for more than a few heart-beats, and it would be better yet if there were accompanying photos of ample heaving bosoms. Sadly, the man in the street becomes affronted whenever he feels his supposed dignity is being besmirched. Why is this? The man in the street is, for all his puffery, standing there in the God damned street!
In any case, there will also be a section on how our Democracy works, despite even the simplest boor suspecting in his secret heart of hearts that it is a sham. Which it is. I have not voted since becoming a wealthy industrialist, having figured out some time ago that it is much wiser to employ the organ grinder than vote for the monkey. Still, I hope this special section is of some amusement to all. I understand that one of the candidates is campaigning in a dress this year, and yet another in a minstrel's blackface, which I must say was unexpected; but as long as there are no Catholics on the ballot, I see no reason to summon the marksmen.
Now get back to work!
Glad to see the Onion reads The Vice, although I'm not sure I agree wtih the contention that citizens do not chose their leaders. They do... The delegate system is in place to give less popular states a closer to equal voice with the larger states. It's a part of the taxation with representation issue we dumped boxes of tea overboard in Boston to preserve.
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